“A wise leader knows when to act and when to yield, When to stand firm and when to flow. In stillness, they discover truth; In yielding, they find their strength.” - Tao of Kings
“To be human is to belong. Belonging is the circle that embraces everything; if we reject it, we damage our nature. The word ‘belonging’ holds together the two fundamental aspects of life: being and longing.” - John O’Donohue, Echoes of Belonging
Belonging and becoming are not opposites but essential companions on the journey of life. True becoming - growth, transformation, and the discovery of our fullest potential - only emerges when we belong: to ourselves, to others, and to the essence of what is authentic and real within us.
The Balance of Belonging and Becoming
In a world often focused on external achievement like milestones or pay-checks, belonging can feel secondary. Yet, without it, our becoming lacks a foundation. Belonging grounds us in connection - to our values, our relationships, and our inner truths - so that our becoming is authentic and aligned. Without belonging, we risk chasing external measures of success that can leave us feeling empty. Belonging does not know a state of arrival. The part of longing implies a lack, a gap and it encourages seeking. Someone who belongs will remain a seeker during the entire life.
Think about this:
Does my belonging to others and in particular to myself support my growth, or does it limit it?
Am I becoming more of the person I long to be, or am I chasing what others expect?
These are not easy questions, in case you just came up with a clear "yes" or "no" be suspicious. These questions have many layers. Belonging requires courage - courage to face ourselves, our gifts and wounds, to stay present as well in the difficult moments of pain, and to be real. Becoming demands vulnerability, as we stretch into new possibilities. Without the fool to try and fail, curiosity and compassion, becoming might be rooted in an old pattern of "must go there".
Belonging to Yourself
Belonging begins within. It’s not about fitting into someone else’s mold, in particular not our parent's expectations back than, but anchoring in your own truth and individuality. What roles do you play in life—leader, parent, partner? Are these roles aligned with your deepest self, or do they feel like performances?
When we start to belong to ourselves, we start to embrace authenticity. We learn to value who we are beyond the external values. It’s not about rejecting success but aligning it with what truly matters and staying alert as there are many rabbit holes on the way ...
Becoming Through Belonging
Becoming without belonging is hollow; belonging without becoming is stagnant. Together, they create a dynamic balance—a grounded sense of purpose and a constant evolution. When you belong, you feel supported in taking risks and growing into new possibilities. When you become, you honor the unique expression of your life within the greater whole.
Questions for Reflection
What would it look like to belong to your life as it is right now - with all its beautiful and painful aspects?
How do your achievements reflect your true self, and where do they mask it?
What does becoming mean to you—and how is it supported by where you already belong?
The Journey Together
Belonging and becoming are not separate paths; they are threads of the same fabric. Together, they guide us toward a life that is not just successful but meaningful, not just achieved but deeply lived.
As John O’Donohue reminds us, “Belonging is a circle that embraces everything.” In that circle, we find both the courage to grow and the grounding to remain true to ourselves.
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